a readiness to move on

i sense a readiness in some people to move on. i am one of them. and i want to share.

everytime i dip into a new tool/concept/process/model/theory around self-loving, self-empowerment, ‘aligning with your future self’ or ‘improving the love we show each other’ these days i get the feeling very soon that i ‘get it’, or even that i don’t need it. and i am saying this with all respect for this things and i fully acknowledge that it is bringing great light into many peoples life and processes! however, my boredom with it roots in a feeling that it’s telling me something that i already know. that it’s targeted to heal something that is not broken in me. that it’s putting up artificial assisting structure of something that i am doing already intuitively and organically. that it’s providing me with feedback of something that i already know of myself. that it’s claiming to hold a depth and transparency that i don’t feel as that amazingly deep and transparent.

now… does that sound arrogant? and am i speaking from being almost exclusively moving within a milieu of collective-intelligence/meaningful-conversations/social-technologies-people? and am i still young enough with my 24years to get excited about my own thoughts? i guess YES to all that. and there IS massively more to discover on my learning journey for sure. and there is certainly an awesomeness in applying tools and theories! but let me just play this out here a little bit to the extreme… let me lean into this to find a natural position, taste this with me… and yes, the formulation will taste like “change” or different-than-something-else… because i haven’t learned yet how to say it other. there will be a time when what we call now change is normal… and then there will be new changes :) i was also thinking about formulating this more like “i am expecting this from you” or more like a job application – but then i feel i want to speak from the edge of what i feel i am already embodying and the picture i am holding for my own qualities to develop into.


i find myself rather searching in myself than investigating in theories. i have become the most reliable and interesting source of information for myself. i rather want to re-produce structure, tools and methods as i am going in resonance with the field instead of feeling armed with tools and the theory behind them. i trust the richness and depth of the moment and the energetic/systemic space around it more than i do trust in applying fancy models from books or slides.

i feel held in warmth and in joint exploration in an evolutionary family of amazing beautiful edge-moving people all around the globe. i feel as close to them as to my own family and i might not even have met them in person.

i am happy to share almost everything public or open my heart to strangers “because i feel there is an integrity around the way i live and its fine for other people to know about that” (pure resonance on those words from Caroline Woolard in The Future of Money).

the universe is offering me playgrounds to gain experience-material for my soul to learn. i honor and want to fully live the local context AND i am holding the perspective of all my thoughts and experiences, connections in social circles, friendships and everything is feeding my soul with learnings about energetic patterns and dynamics of what life is about.

i don’t need to know where i am heading. i am consciously offering myself as an evolutionary tool/channel.

i have no fear of death. any second is ok. i want to live life to its fullest, that doesn’t mean joy and party all the time though.

i am not attached to a certain emotional state. i am aware on how i can utilize my emotional states to create meaning or resonance for others.

i am free of jealousy. my love is deep and wide. i have a commitment to the highest constellation whether or not i am part of it. i want to have a life-long learning relationship with you rather than a romantic love relationship. i am holding long-term commitments where i can. i see you broad and deep and for who you are about to become. friction on the surface and weird moments will not shadow the brilliance i am holding for you in myself.

once our heart connection is established i care for you. deeply. there is nothing but your highest potential that i wish for you. your shining makes me shine.

my memories are resources not burdens. my dreams are motivators not attachments.

i am apprenticing to my mastery (inspired by Maria & Sarah, Axladitsa). i am hosting, protecting and feeding my own emergence. i am exposing myself to mental/social/[…] milieus with high probability of next learning steps to click in.

there is an amazing capacity growing in me that i see powerful potential for; to perceive the slightest manifestation of a pattern/dynamic and immediately my potent imagination takes it from there and is expanding fast and far of what could also be as i am flashing through other levels of potential expressions of this pattern. i am running scenarios and internal simulations in milliseconds, connect them with memories, find new insights in reflections of meta-reflections and back and forth. i am scoping the territory of cosmic possibilities around this universal pattern that finds a concrete expression. my territory-scoping scanner involves my emotions and thoughts and thoughts about thoughts as well. i see it as the root of creativity and art to grow the imagination of the moment into parallel simulations of how this dynamics can express on other levels.

i am proudly carrying my wounds and weakness around in front of me – i let them guide my way as they are making me sensitive.

i am highly aware that the world outside IS the world inside. i want to start tackling the shadows and challenges out there by honestly and truly finding their mirrors or voices in me. global challenges and personal transformation are one for me.

i want to foster and conduct alive energy flows on all levels. i want to design attractors instead of frames around something. i see a huge global mosaic of amazing initiatives. in my eyes the conditions for these to self-organize the most organic way is to see one huge global field (of consciousness) that has many many attractors in it where you will gravitate towards when walking by and loop around for a bit or find trajectories in certain constellations (like a wild planet circulating in a solar system) – this instead of framing and defining expert areas on this huge field where boundaries are making information flow and evolution artificially difficult.

i have no interest in accumulating monetary wealth, i have a huge interest and passion in spreading, seeding and sharing (three ‘s’ from Eddie) social wealth and meaning.

i am a highly resilient &(!) vulnerable, sensitive, integrated, conscious and evolving body-mind-spirit system.

i can shift energies and space with you in the moment, i am able to hold multiple threads with different emotions not just with different people, projects and times, but also with you here and now

i am able to hand over ownership of what i am speaking in the moment i am speaking, i am offering impulses to our centre and can sit in the silence after i have spoken what i wanted to instead of filling the silence with stuff until someone replies. i am not attached to someone picking up on my ideas, i see it as an invitation to flirt better with the world.

my physical needs are very flexible. i don’t need a stable home, i don’t need food necessarily for a day, i am not attached to any routine or rhythm of the day. i am arranging my life around alive energy flows and i will overflow structure in me or outside me that hinder that flow.

intimate space is sacred healing and transforming space. this is from where our radiation into the world starts. from imagination to manifestation in no time. impulse and expression are one. i am able to be conscious about my energies at all times and learn to flow more with them at the same time.

[…]

interesting, there seems to be a need for me to formulate this things. i am just realizing that i wrote a “self statement” in march this year and shared it with Sheri and Tatiana. looking forward to the next iteration of it… my sense is that a natural hierarchy in ‘new paradigm attitudes/values/ethics’ will show up (or are already and i am just not aware of it, thats most likely true actually) – some meta-shift of a pattern/dynamic that causes other’s to shift… for instance to really deeply realize that the outer world IS the inner world has a huge potential to trigger a whole cascade of change processes or create whole new channels/capacities for things to go on different tracks (important to say that its not always ‘change’, sometimes its just something new that hasn’t been there before)… so you might wanna emphasize on this in schools…? :)

probably potentially much more here, enough for now. how does this find you? are you feeling inspired and/or provoked by these statements?

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Published by

Benjamin Aaron Degenhart

Currently pursuing a Masters in Computational Science and Engineering at TU Munich.

13 thoughts on “a readiness to move on”

  1. Thanks Benji. I like this very much. You’re hinting at a possible future. I’ll spend the coming years anticipating its coming (and when possible birthing it myself). I hope it’ll make it here while I’m still around.

    Time will tell.

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  2. Ahhh, Benjamin. You know I’ve been watching you…because that is what I do. I apply a spark to something and then watch the flame come alive. You’ve a beautiful fire (you can see my fb page to see how that all connects on to what I’ve, too, been feeling). So, here we are…sparked and burning brightly. I love where you are in your process of becoming. The question is…why are you here…incarnate at this time during this point in the earth’s process of becoming. What is it that your soul wants you to do…what did you agree to do? What needs doing that only you can do?

    And yes….enjoying looking at the ever shining you that is a brilliant plane in my diamond life.

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  3. thank you Benji. it sounds like the manifest I’d write if I was still connected. Maybe it’s time to let go, and thereby connect. I’m with you in the future, and I’m also aware that some of these tools and theories are ways for others with different minds and cultures, but ever so same hearts, to learn. Be patiently impatient.

    Love, Lama

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    1. Lama, thank you! yes, patiently impatient… patient urgency… awaiting emergence :) i’d say you are always connected, aren’t you? the degree of ease and bandwith of flow might change though…
      sure! full acknowledgement for these tools and the hearts using them, yes!
      love to you Lama.

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  4. “i see you broad and deep and for who you are about to become. friction on the surface and weird moments will not shadow the brilliance i am holding for you in myself.”

    I like :)

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  5. If I may challenge you: what would you need others for? what has that to do with the outer = the inner? Just something to ponder… and you don’t have to answer right away… maybe at some point it will result in a beautiful blog post…

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    1. mmh, grateful that you name this here Ria!! i have been thinking that i stretched far out into one direction here and you are naming my longing to land again with appreciation and seeing of the social fields i am embedded in… it might indeed result in a beautiful blog post some day! thank you!

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