about moving and sharing the edge

wuha, so much on my mind these days, so much beautiful buzz online and onlife… i will just start to share somewhere, to be pro-active around not getting stuck (again) in “what the hell do i want to share and where do i start from ALL THAT?” – and then i find myself collapsing into the feeling of that’s it is all so obvious and not worth sharing and people find out in their own times… but then again i am too curious to see what happens when i continue to shape my voice through sharing in that way…

i want to put out a meta-note here, in addition to all the other notes i wrote on that line… i experience so much these days that the meta-reflection and the process are so intertwined and meet in the very personal, the relationships and your impact on them and imprint from them. i feel so attracted and grateful to edge-movers like Jay, Eddie, Maja R, Tenneson, Sonja N, Sheri, Sophia (to name those i feel closest in noosphere today) and so many others i have the gift of catching their vibrations online and onlife…

you know, back in my teenager-time (now not anymore) i was smoking quite some weed and i either gravitated towards being the ceremony-master in my social circle OR i often did it alone to do some “psychonautic journeys” in my inner space and the membrane to the world. i kept finding myself in this “thought-error-loops” of what i am thinking about what i am thinking and how will i think in the future about what i am thinking right now and how much inner territory of potential thoughts can i think of…?! and as i was flying high through all the levels of meta-meta-meta… and saw all my inner movements as part of a cosmic breath (and so on) i kept bouncing on an edge! it was quite a tangible inner feeling of not being able to think out of my head! it was painful and somehow beautiful to realize that my reflections are always part of my process and that there is no objective abstraction… however – this explorations installed a quite tangible feeling of what an “edge” of consciousness and thinking is in me!

here is the magic – when you witness someone leaning out of an edge that you are at, you go in resonance! the probability for you to make the transition and to click in on the next level is rising tremendously. i guess that is what Sheldrake calls the morphogenetic field, that if a solution has been found somewhere, the probability for similar trajectories around the globe to enter this attractor is rising! and i’d like to try out adding a here, near and far level to it… there is strong resonance with someone in your field, your friend making a transition – that is “here” for you and invites your move – and then there is “near”, where your friend is really taking off and glowing and shining on the new land, that can certainly invite your blossoming too (that’s certainly worth another post at some point about co-empowered-shining vs. envy) but often it causes an immediate contraction in the person that didn’t make the leap. and then there is “far”, where you admire people/role-models that are far out your range and can thereby function as stars on the horizon…

there is new space that cracks open when the edge moves… that can happen fast, slow, individually, collectively, as a whole society and so on – i believe it’s always traceable back to a consciousness that has expanded and than found its way into a carrier-portal of groups/constellations/manifestations that was able to hold and radiate that out until critical mass has been reached (and then there is a key point to make via Sophy Banks about the importance that the leaders of a movement keep deepening). there is a difference between the leading edge and the present culture – only knowing that there are groups out there operating in the yellow or turquoise meme doesn’t necessarily make your group jump right there too, it certainly is a process and the line between resonance and resistance is damn thin sometimes. however, as soon as a sense from beyond your territory is in your system nothing is like it has been before – you know that there IS land beyond your scope and than it’s a matter of how you relate to this reality… resistance, admiration, humble awaiting, denial…

so now there comes the sharing-part! knowing that you move the edge on something there comes a certain evolutionary possibility (or even responsibility?) to allow others to go into resonance with your trajectory. this happens energetically without any further action and it happens in local peer2peer face2face communities AND it can happen in this form of public sharing like a Blog… and by having opened up this channel for myself i see more and more the potential beauty and meaning for edge-movers to scale up their sharing from local to global… in this deep personal inquiries there can be such an intimate closeness besides any geographical location or former deepening of the relationship – there we can meet here and now while being far away – standing in our deepest ground… (and it doesn’t need protection, the frequencies get picked up by the people who are listening on that level, oh my… there are so many levels on which i am not listening for instance).
a little detour to a smaller scale (?!) i am experiencing in my own conversational behavior that i am consciously “using” this dynamic of leaning into a field and thereby inviting the other to roll onto that floor (an image to that would be to press with your finger on a silicon surface so that the water-drops on that surface slide towards the valley you are creating with your invitation/pressure/leaning-in). So if i wish to a person to enter a field of sharing i can do that by directly asking for it, but very often that is not an elegant or safe way to do it – it comes more natural for me to sense into the dynamic that is the unspoken and sensitive part in the other person and then i share a story/thought from my life that carries a similar vibration for me… that can offer my partner a landing platform.

however, besides the romantic part about sharing is caring ;-p i find it important to shine the light on what can hold you back from sharing and how the abstraction needs the story and how the essence can get liberated from the local context... when i honestly look on what can hold me back from “immediate public heartfelt-sharing” it’s a few factors that i believe are meaningful to “share” – as it was/is my reality others might feel that as well :) as i am sharing this with you i am also holding the intention to free myself from some constraints and explore the sensitive areas in that further…

so there is something about who are the “silent-listeners” that are not leaving any tracks and what are the opinions being build around me while i am sharing heart-felt content. and then it’s something about the stickiness of the local context… your local social circle might read your post and people relate that stuff to themselves or see my last mood or their last situation with me in the light of that post and it can become weird when they think i wrote that ‘because of that’ and might confront me the day after with how i saw this in that situation and so on. it can of course be wonderful and deepening but it can also be weird when people don’t acknowledge that ‘outside-events’ are often just triggers of inner threads/reservoirs that have been gathering information already since a while – so the space that this post came from might be very influenced from my local experience, but is most often just crystallizing thoughts and images that were already alive in me into a contraction of thoughts that feels ready to be posted. so unless i want to acknowledge someone for the gift of inspiration i got from being in space with her/him i doubt mentioning names or even “letting the abstract thought pour out into mentioning concrete recent experiences“. sometimes that would be so helpful though as we are story-relating and relationship-relating human beings… but a sense of respecting privacy is holding me back. for myself, i have no problem sharing the most intimate stuff public – if i am holding back than its because of not knowing “how ok” it is for others to be part of a public story and also i have to say i am not trusting that every listener of my posts has the maturity to respect my potential ‘nakedness’ – especially when two or more people are reading or watching together it can easily shift into making fun about the ‘how i say things’ instead of ‘what i say’… does that make sense? i am exaggerating so that sharing-upscaler-starter ;) might be able to see themselves in the nuances i am addressing from my own experience…

its such a touchy issue because obviously so so much of who we are is somehow inspired, moved, molded or even traumatized through contacts with “concrete people” – but as we relate to the here and now we seek for cause and effect and look each other up on facebook who could have mentioned whom and so on. the factors though that “make you share anyway” are trusted peer-connections and certainly time. time is big in this… when the rain of the concrete experience has been dried away and only the memory of it remains and fades away to remain as a symbolic piece of memory that get’s charged with meaning. also a critical high mass of not-involved people in that situation and if these new people don’t have direct relations to the involved people… other social circles basically that have hardly connections between besides me.

i am not calling for radical transparent everything-sharing (maybe i do?) – i am especially learning about the importance of the mystery (in love for instance!) and the thresholds that are acting as quality-increasing filter… i deeply appreciate my local physical context and the social face2face circles AND at the same time i see it as a cosmic playground that i am somehow assigned to for a certain arch of time that entails this and that experiences, thresholds, initiations and so on… people that show up are symbols and meaning to me and hold a certain lesson/story for me and maybe vice versa. i have no problem being a certain role for you – i am very much ok with being that light or that splinter in your system. the physical realm is feeding me inspiration into my energetic realm and backwards. am i making sense? maybe this is also a very masculine thing to say. and yes, my slogan since a while now is “matter matters” to remind myself on creating beauty around me and good food and so on – it doesn’t come natural for me to care much for my physical surrounding. mentally i want to change that, but for some reason it doesn’t happen. however, the point here might be a quest for a collective agreement (hah!) on listening to each others sharings with ears that appreciate the concrete stories and the people involved AND even more value and focus on the abstract learning in this and the dynamics and symbols

i am expecting the emotional/systemic capacity of people to see and intuitively understand how someone can be loving and caring in one second and appear as bad or harsh in the next second – systems are differentiating their field out into the roles being taken by its members…
and then again, back to the “censoring” a post so that one feels good in sharing it while being in the situation… i can also see how experiences with someone specific (or a loving relationship going deeper) can hardly be anonymized or abstracted to a level where the names can fade into the background. how to share that? maybe not… maybe keeping it inside and let the energy of it radiate out on other expressions. i see a gliding border between concrete and abstract that you are moving in your sharing, depending on the listeners and your level of openness and trust.
another face to that is the misunderstandings online or bended intentions… i have made some unpleasant experiences of no replies or hearing months later how weird it landed when i was sending very warm messages to ‘strangers’ because i just felt curiosity and an evolutionary glowing sensing into their online presence… that’s sad for me to hear and i don’t quite know how to go about it. i want to follow my impulses but how can i communicate trustworthiness? i guess here could branch of a huge post about how we “recommend” each other to our friends and what evolutionary testimonials could be :)

there IS a level where we can only get invited to… that might be something we have unlearned/overshadowed very much in our societies; the value and beauty of inviting each other into contribution and inquiry… we are expected to be responsible for the whole cycle of “our own product development from idea to implementation and evaluation”. and i am also making beautiful experiences where i can jump right into the deepest inquiries with ‘strangers’ and we can take the whole get-to-know-part later or not at all…

do i have to make a point in my message to a stranger other than saying hi and expressing curiosity and appreciation? what’s the edge of sharing? how are you creating your social architecture around you so that your system has a healthy out- and inflow of meaningful sharing? or is that something not important to you… what is holding your transparency back? … how is sharing now different from some months or years back?


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Benjamin Aaron Degenhart

Currently pursuing a Masters in Computational Science and Engineering at TU Munich.

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