evolutionary love

now it’s time to open this one :) it’s far bigger in me than i could write about, so may this window in time and space serve well and spark swirls of thoughts and opinions…

as some of you know i am “into free love“… whatever that means or is. i was in an open relationship for 2,5 years until last year that started in the ecovillage 7Linden where we both did a year of volunteer work. we were committed to explore what this is about and why there is jealousy and all that – so we went through some very painful and beautiful learnings and i am endlessly grateful for that.

a key-dynamic that i found for myself on the bottom of jealousy is imagining another man touching her in a way that i might do as well, and then for a moment she forgets who is touching her and she doesn’t even care – that is the moment where i loose my identity and “collapse into nothingness”. but isn’t there constantly a dance between being highly personal and totally anonymous interplay of feminine and masculine energies in love and sexuality? So there is deepening into that truth… and then from some day i found myself thinking – how great that she is bringing in new inspiration from this other intimate interaction into our intimate space… the many rivers that are flowing together into me (there is a beautiful song from Madrone in Starhawk’s “5th sacred thing”, anyone remember?).

i want to see love relationships where there is a glowing strong heart-connection between us, and not a circle-boundary around us that should hold anything inside or stop us from looking outside. we have all the freedom to explore our own trajectory through life AND we have a supportive loving connection that is sourcing both of us with energy.

so there is difference in whether this 1&1-intensification is serving each others unfolding in this world or if it is sucking energy into the container to maintain the status. for me it relates to the alignment with the evolutionary arrow.

with some people i strongly feel a life-time commitment of loving relationship. i sense the potential of this person and all she/he has ahead of exploring and manifesting. and i am just crazy looking forward to witness the journey of this beautiful being and be a part of it from time to time… if there is no contact for some years, that’s fine. but if we meet again i would love to explore how our mental and maybe also physical bodies are meeting again… we are an evolutionary family and are together in this, right? it very much also connects to where you are sourcing your life-affirmation energy from. nowadays the tribal structures are breaking apart and all of those roles we need to mirror ourselves collapse into the intimate relationship and your partner is suddenly to fulfill all roles from advice-giver to confessor to complain-station and so on…

i want to foster alive energy flows on all levels – if i am part of the constellation, fine. if it doesn’t seem appropriate i will pull myself out. this is what is nourishing me – to be in service of the highest possible energy around an inquiry, an intensification or an exploration.

for me this is very serious and important – i want to see my children growing up and seeing that their mum and dad are close with other people as well and that it is totally ok and is not causing any contractions or pain in the system. i want them to have a chance to grow up with different neuronal patterns! so my wish for my “spiritual journey” in this world is to become so cleansed that i am fully embodying and radiating love and empowerment without causing any contractions in the wider system…

i see a horrendous collective immaturity around love and sexuality – people are widely passing on their wounds, consciously or subconsciously – society is poisoned by a sick and insanely unbalanced masculine energy. In earlier societies young men got initiated by experienced women and young women by experienced men in temples – and there were reasons for that! it takes so much holding-energy to grow in a confident and save way into this way of expressing yourself…

so much more to say and explore around this! sacred sexuality and healing spaces for each other / transparency / the synergetic being we are together and how this is serving the world / how much are things energetically clear in the first moment and than it’s a question if we allow each others to go there or are conventions and weird communication patterns stopping us from the wild untamed self we are? / what level of transparency can a love relationship actually contain? what is the mystery or the unspoken (and only felt) part that has to remain?

to land this i want to offer this video from Dieter Duhm in Tamera, it is moving me because it speaks powerful truth for me. “[…] the issue of sexuality will no longer be connected to the collective trauma of fear and violence but instead to gratitude and joy […]”


Published by

Benjamin Aaron Degenhart

Currently pursuing a Masters in Computational Science and Engineering at TU Munich.

4 thoughts on “evolutionary love”

  1. Hey Benjamin,
    I love how you share your quest for evolution in love.
    I am still full of questions with that topic.
    But one thing I know, I would not want to miss my first time with some one else who is experiencing it as the first. There is such a magic around two innocent people, I wouldn’t want to exchange against any experinced initiation.
    xxx Silvi


  2. Hi Benjamin,

    It is really good and nice feeling to read different opinion from our own on this always actual topic… Very different perspective from the one we are mostly used, I would say – and – hm, I was also surprised how @arwenangel’s comment came with good point to my mind, life.
    The main question that comes to me between two opposite views on “free love” is:
    is all about ~love?
    or all is about “to be in service of the highest possible energy”?
    they are not the same, I think…
    anyway, thanks and keep sharing your interesting contemplations with us, they are in each case very useful, at least for me!



    1. thank you Sanja, i am glad this different perspective is useful for you.
      and yes, i can see now how “the highest possible” is in itself a quite masculine formulation of a climax to achieve instead of “just BEING in love”.
      so thank you for speaking your truth on this, much appreciated! feel free to unfold more nuances of your question in your time, if you wish…


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