feedback loops and tribe mirrors

i am going through different stages of radicality when it comes to sharing feedback. i had a phase where i committed myself to let anyone i think (more than a quick thought) of know that i did and what came from that. or when i would mention someone or someone’s thought i felt an urge to let this person know that i did so. especially appreciation i feel is so important to share! i LOVE feeling love-waves for friends running through me and then write some love-emails :)

there is so much noise happening in the back-channel that you will not hear – unless it comes back to you around some corners or after a while… i used to be very annoyed with that and wanted everyone to share feedback with the person that is causing it not only when he/she is gone…

now i am a bit more relaxed and can see the meaning of images that travel through social circles in their own time and shape before coming back to the origin or even not.

however, still – care to give your feedback! these gifts can be so precious.

there is a horrible power in especially telling bad stuff ‘behind peoples back’. why? isn’t it fair to give everyone a chance to get explored with unbiased eyes? yes, ‘someone’ will eventually tell this person that this or that behavior is annoying – but it can take 5 more years until he realizes it if you are not saying it now… i think this person will look back in gratitude about your rough intervention if you dare to do it.

after all we have social neurons and re-build images of each other in our brains – and as i am having this little copy of you IN me, it’s quite likely that it get’s mixed up with own stuff and it could very well be that there is some meaning for you if you hear what’s happening with you in me… uh, that was a fun one ;)

and here is an important notion to that: our bodies still remember the time where we lived close together in communities and tribes – our voice and role got shaped by a bounce of personal seed that wants to be expressed and a social circle that mirrors back. Nowadays most of the ‘input’ that we receive in our face is coming from media/marketing, isn’t it? And it’s psychologically maximized in the personalized effect on you… so that as a main social input just because your friends are not caring to express their feedback?

by my very nature i am fostering the re-building of seeing-, appreciating- and mirroring-functions of tribe-circles within this vast ocean of ‘capitalistic’ social inputs, i would love to see that done consciously by many more. i love telling people where they got mentioned in a good light because i can see how healthy this dose of ‘knowing that you are present in others mind‘ is for people.

on a technical level it is just to be conscious about referring to the source of what you share if it originates from outside of you and basically ‘tag’ people more often, also offline in conversations… some people have this filter that they will not mention their friends in conversation to me if i don’t know them – so only our mutual friends have a chance to get referred. i am really not a fan of that behavior. i’d love to see people be more generous and ‘publicly appreciative’ about their friends. gives me also a chance to become curious about them and eventually weave our circles…

it also ties back to the ‘giving other peoples process a platform in you‘ from a previous post. when you just had an inspiring coffee-talk with someone, of course your thoughts are still spinning afterwards and the conversation is not over just because you leave each other. think about how lovely are those messages starting with “after our conversation i was thinking about… and was inspired to do…” – don’t you love getting those? and i believe that is happening almost after every good conversation. i would just so much wish for people to dare to share that then. it feels sometimes quite violent to cut off a flow of energy that in my eyes naturally would want to keep exchanging

someone said that the main thing that is important for us as social human beings: to be missed when we are not there… from my experience we all enjoy getting mentioned by people and getting referred to… isn’t it true? so i think we can easily give us more of that pleasure… AND let the mentioned person know that she/he got mentioned :)


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Benjamin Aaron Degenhart

Currently pursuing a Masters in Computational Science and Engineering at TU Munich.

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